


This Love Is The Rose That Blooms Forever

by stardustedruins



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustedruins/pseuds/stardustedruins
Summary: Hanahaki Disease is a disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. But if it is not removed or if their loved one doesn't love back the victim will suffocate to death.In which Ichinose Tokiya gets the Hanahaki disease and realizes he has feelings for Jinguji Ren.
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya/Jinguuji Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	This Love Is The Rose That Blooms Forever

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by one of Rumi's poems.  
> I know the natural pairing is Otoya and Tokiya or Masato and Ren. But I just love Tokiya and Ren together, fight me.

* * *

The first time Ichinose Tokiya coughed up petals, it was late in the night. He had just come back from vocal practice but found himself unable to sleep. He decided to sit down and write some lyrics to the new tune Nanami had composed.

**_I was in the dark,_ **

**_and then I heard your melody, calling out to me._ **

**_I opened my eyes, the ocean waves drowning me,_ **

**_but I found the light in them and watched as everything bloomed to life._ **

**_Like Roses in a garden, like stars in the night sky, fiery orange,_ **

**_twinkling so bright, as bright as my love for you._ **

He stared at the lyrics blankly for a moment, his breath hitching. The words had flowed out of him quickly, it had felt right but suddenly, reading those lyrics he knew exactly who they were about. And then he had a coughing fit. His throat clogged and he wheezed out, when he removed his hand away from his mouth, on his palm was a single _rose petal_ , bright red staring right at him.

He crushed it up and flushed it down the toilet, he dismissed the entire incident, refusing to believe what had just happened. He took the lyrics sheet and stashed it away in a drawer.

His throat had felt terribly itchy and sore the entire day. He had tried to recall what he had done and then consequently blamed it on the ice cream that he had eaten the previous night. He had gone to Nanami first thing this morning and they had visited the doctor. Starish had an upcoming concert and he couldn’t sit out, the doctor had described some antibiotics after examining him and they had returned back to their rooms. 

But now, his diagnosis was rather obvious and it was haunting Tokiya. _How would he even begin to explain this?_ He stayed awake until it was time to get out of bed. He knew what those flowers meant and he certainly knew who they were for. His stomach dropped and his heart clenched, he really hoped that he had guessed the wrong person. 

At breakfast, it seemed that he couldn’t look anyone in the eye. He felt like he was eating sand. If the other members noticed his weird behavior, they didn’t say anything and Tokiya wondered just how long he would be able to hide it from them.

★★★★★★★

Masato Hijirikawa watched Ichinose Tokiya from the other side of the room as his fingers paused over the piano. Tokiya was definitely coming down with something, his vocals had been off the entire day and he had been acting weirdly for the past week or so. The boys had given up trying to practise together, realizing that without Tokiya’s normal voice, their harmonies weren’t quite the same. Even from this distance, Masato could see Tokiya struggling, his hands constantly on his throat or over his mouth, like there was something stuck and he couldn’t get rid of it.

“Toki is usually more composed isn’t he?” Otoya came up from behind him. Masato nodded, looking around the room and realizing that the others were focused on him too. Tokiya had gotten sick before and none of them except Nanami had noticed, that’s the type of person he was. Tokiya was always quiet, kept most of his thoughts and feelings buried within him, much like Masato himself. But Tokiya was a perfectionist when it came to idol work and was absolutely devoted to it, working harder than the others noticed. It was safe to say that he even overworked sometimes and did not care about his own well being when it came to music.

Quartet Night had noticed too. Reiji-san was the first person to notice, considering that he had been in charge of Otoya and Tokiya during the Master Course, it hadn’t come up as a surprise. But, when he had asked Tokiya about it, suggesting some soup and good rest, with Mikaze san recommending some medicine, Tokiya had unexpectedly become flustered. That’s when the rest of the boys in Starish had become highly alert, Tokiya never got flustered, whatever he was sick with, he already knew what it was, that was the only logical explanation, even Mikaze-san had said so.

The fact that he hadn’t told anyone, not even Nanami had made everyone more worried, so they had devised a plan.

“Don’t mess this up.” Syo came up behind Itoya.

“Understood.” Itoya said, his eyes hardening with determination.

★★★★★★★

After completing the Master Course, the boys had gotten individual rooms for themselves, although they were all placed right next to each other. Tokiya preferred it this way, he was able to schedule things according to his needs and not worry about disturbing another person in the room, however he did find himself occasionally missing Otoya’s noisiness.

A cough made its way up Tokiya’s throat as he covered his mouth using his hand and ran to the bathroom. Tokiya coughed as he hunched over the toilet, his body shaking as he pressed his hands against the walls for support. He watched helplessly, his throat constricting, his chest heaving as clumps of red petals fell from his mouth, tinged with fresh blood. He closed his eyes, stilled for a moment and then rinsed his mouth, washed his hands and walked out of the bathroom.

It was almost two weeks ago that he had first noticed. Since then his condition was only becoming worse.

Four days after the first rose petals, he had been walking in the meadow when he heard a melody calling out to him. He knew instantly who it was, there was no one else who could play such a beautiful tune on the saxophone. As he arrived behind the performer, he saw Jinguji lost in the music. The sun setting in the sky and his hair dancing wildly in the wind, his slender hands pressing the buttons on the saxophone skillfully. A smile made its way on Tokiya’s face. _He’s so beautiful. Kireina_ he thought, his shoulders relaxing as he got lost in Ren’s music. Suddenly he felt an itch at the back of his throat and he turned away just in time as he began coughing. He doubled down onto his knees and pressed his palms against the blades of the grass. Tokiya was well aware that Ren had stopped playing and had just about enough time to stuff the three fallen rose petals into his jeans pockets as Ren’s arm wrapped around his shoulder. 

“Toki? Toki, Are you alright?” 

Tokiya’s breaths were shallow and uneven, a heavy pit forming in his stomach. He nodded as he held up his hand signaling that he needed a minute.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ren said firmly, rubbing Tokiya’s back with one hand as he pressed another to Tokiya’s forehead. 

“Well, you don’t have a fever.” Ren smiled in relief. “Must be just a light sore throat.” he smiled at him.

Tokiya’s breath hitched, _that smile_. He looked into Ren’s blue eyes, drowning in them, like they were an ocean with stars. Suddenly he was scrambling away as he felt more petals climbing up his windpipe. “I’ll be okay, just some allergies.” Tokiya waved him off, his voice hoarse. “I have things to do back in my room.” he said hurriedly and rushed back without turning back even once.

And when he arrived back in his room, pulled up the three flower petals from his pocket, he thought - _shit I’m screwed_.

He knew the love was unrequited, otherwise he wouldn’t be coughing up the flowers in the first place. But having it confirmed that it was Ren just crushed him. Ren was out of his league, there was no way, _Muri,_ _Muridesu_. It wasn’t just because Ren was devilishly handsome and breathtaking, no physical looks aside, Tokiya knew for sure Ren did not like guys. He was such a ladies’ man and he definitely loved Nanami. He flirted with every woman he got a chance with, Tokiya had seen enough proof of it.

_Tokiya held his head between his hands, he was unsure of what to do and he felt his lungs fill with a heaviness he couldn’t point out and then he had another fit of coughs._

At first he constantly said it was allergies, they were light coughs, nothing too serious and everyone reluctantly went along with it. He thought if he denied his feelings, the flowers would go away, but when he tried, it would make the coughing worse. Every time he thought of Ren, his lungs would constrict and then they would burn like they were filled with fire. _Does loving someone hurt this much?_

He had seen that surgery was an option, it was the best option for him in fact, he should have seen a doctor about this without any qualms. He was an idol for god's sake, not only was love forbidden but he would be putting the entire band in jeopardy if he didn’t fix this soon. Except, except his heart wouldn’t let him walk into the hospital, his heart begged and ached for him not to. Because if he did the surgery, then he would lose his feelings for Ren, he’d even lose a few memories in which Ren was prominent in and he couldn’t give that up. The rational part of him and the lover part of him were at war.

Tonight however, his voice had taken a hit and he had a feeling things were going to get worse. Recently, he had been coughing up not just petals, but flower buds too, all coated with blood. He’d even coughed up a few leaves now and then, it was such a mess, he was always in so much pain, yet he couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone else about it, they would undoubtedly push him into doing surgery and he was terrified.

Tokiya placed a hand over his heart and clutched his chest, tears rolling down his face. _Why? Why him? He had worked so hard, had endured so much pain to become an idol, to join the Shining Agency, all he wanted to do was sing, was that a sin?_

He had looked up about coughing up roses of course, apparently different flowers had different meanings. Red Roses stood for passion and eternal love, perfection and beauty. But of course, he’d start coughing the one flower that would bleed him from inside out, he had to get the fatal one. It was some freaky coincidence that they were Ren’s favourite flower too, he grew them in a garden and he impressed the girls with them.

It had scared him at first, he found petals scattered on the bed, sometimes on the floor when he woke up in the morning. After a while, he had just learnt to adapt to it.

Now he felt the familiar taste of the roses and it’s leaves rising in his throat, he could taste blood too, and then he was coughing, hacking it all up, his lungs burning, his throat screaming, his vision became blurry as he clutched onto the bed sheets and when he was done, he opened his eyes and saw two rose buds with stems full of thorns. He sighed as he pushed his hair out of his face, he was still in the second stage then. The rate at which his Hanahaki was progressing was fast, it was bad, even without a professional opinion, Tokiya could tell that much.

Suddenly there was a knock on the room door “Tokiya, it’s Me, Otoya.”. Tokiya took a deep breath in, willing to calm himself down, of course it would be Otoya.

“Wait for a minute, I’m just uh changing.” he called out as he picked up the roses quickly, flushed them down the toilet and he rinsed his mouth. He placed pillows over the place where he had left blood stains on the sheets, resolving to clean it after he had kicked out Otoya and then opened the door.

Otoya launched right into him “Missed you Toki!” he laughed, while Tokiya responded slowly, taken aback by Otoya’s enthusiasm.

“What are you doing here?” Tokiya asked, pulling away.

“Ah I missed the old days where we used to share a room.” Otoya grinned, sitting on Tokiya’s bed.

“Right.” Tokiya said distractedly as he watched the pillows he had placed on the other side.

“What’s wrong?” Otoya asked, his eyes now held concern, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Nothing.” Tokiya replied, pulling his mask back on.

“Toki, your voice is hoarse like you’ve been sick the entire day, _doushita_?”

“ _It's nothing._ ” Tokiya replied firmly.

“If you say so.” Otoya shrugged, a smile in his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Well I’m busy, maybe another time?” It came more as a command than a question.

“Doing what?” Otoya asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tokiya looked around and realized that he had left his music sheets inside the drawers and his guitar was in its case. He opened his mouth and then closed it. “I was thinking.” he finished lamely.

“Well I’ll help you think then, two people are better than one. Come on!” Itoya said, moving to the other side.

“No wait!” Tokiya yelled, but he was too late as Otoya accidentally pushed a pillow off and then he froze.

Tokiya held in his breath. Otoya slowly looked up at him “Ichinose-san is that blood?”

Tokiya looked away from him, his eyes downcast as his brain whirred for possible ways to get out of the situation.

“Ichinose-san!” Otoya yelled. He quickly walked up to Tokiya and then took him by the shoulders. Despite Tokiya being the taller one, Otoya held him firmly.

“You’re going to tell me what’s going on, otherwise I’ll get everyone else and then you’ll have to tell everyone.”

“Otoya, it’s complicated.” Tokiya muttered, still trying to find a way out of the situation.

“I have plenty of time.” Otoya replied, his voice set in determination.

Tokiya sighed, knowing there was no way out of it. “Hanahaki.” he mumbled out, a moment later.

“ _Huh?_ ” Otoya asked, confusion evident on his face.

“Hanahaki.” he said louder and he felt Otoya still.

“No.” Otoya whispered. “Have you seen a doctor?” he demanded.

Tokiya shook his head.

“Are you stupid?” Otoya asked angrily.

Tokiya looked up at him with a mixture of embarrassment and shame.

“Why would you not tell anyone? We can help Toki.” Otoya’s voice was soft now.

“ The president…” Tokiya trailed off.

Otoya seemed to consider things for a moment and then asked “Who is it Ichinose-san?”

“I can’t tell you that.” Tokiya said quietly.

“Nanami?” Otoya asked.

Tokiya shook his head again. 

“I wish you would trust us more, we’re best friends and family even. We would have helped, would have hid it from the President too, until you got better.” Otoya said sadly.

“I don’t think I want to have the surgery.” it came out as a whisper.

Otoya looked up at him, shock written on his face. “But - but you’ll die if you don’t! Tokiya you can’t fall in love with someone and even though you have, you can’t pursue that relationship. Love is - ”

“ - forbidden when you’re an idol.” Tokiya finished for him.

“Then what? You’re just going to leave us. What about Starish? What about Nanami? Ichinose!” Otoya shouted as he grabbed Tokiya by the collar.

“Enough.”

Both of them turned around to see the rest of the boys standing near the door. It had been Hijirikawa who had spoken up.

Tokiya visibly paled, “How much did you guys hear?”

“All of it.” Syo said quietly.

“You left the door open.” Shinomiya said softly, a sad smile on his face.

“Tokiya, who is it?” Jinguji asked, his eyes filled with worry.

Tokiya shook his head helplessly and looked away. He felt the petals rising up in his throat as he swallowed them back in with difficulty.

Cecil stared at him without saying a word, his lips etched into a frown. Then Cecil clapped once “Everyone,” he said and they all looked up at him. “I think we should all leave the room. Masato can talk with Tokiya and then they could explain it to us later.”

Tokiya stared at him in surprise and Masato nodded once, Cecil smiled softly at the both of them and then everyone cleared out. Otoya was the last one to leave, glancing at Tokiya several times before finally closing the door behind him.

Both of them sat side by side on the bed.

“What flower?” Masato asked.

“Red rose.” Tokiya replied. He saw Masato go still for a moment and then pick up the conversation again. _He knows_ was Tokiya’s first thought. Of course Masato would find out, he grew up with Ren after all.

“What stage is it at?”

“Second I think, I’m still coughing up buds.”

“You do know those thorns will kill you if you don’t get surgery at the right time.” Masato said quietly.

Tokiya nodded. After a point, even if people wanted to get the surgery, sometimes it became impossible, especially with roses, the thorns pricked the lungs and left holes instead, which if pulled out, would kill the person anyway.

“Who is it?” 

Tokiya shook his head.

“Toki, if we don’t figure this out, we won’t just not be able to be Starish anymore, forget the band. _We’d lose you and none of us could live with that._ ”

A sob escaped Tokiya before he could stop. It had haunted him day and night - the petals, the feelings, being a disappointment and suddenly he realized just how much he had bottled up.

“I don’t want to lose those feelings, I’ve never felt so much of happiness and love before, I - I can’t Masato.” Tokiya whispered, burying his face into his hands.

“It’s Ren isn’t it?” Masato said softly.

Tokiya didn’t have to say anything, his body began to shake at the mere mention of Ren’s name and he coughed up petals again, clumps of it this time, littering the floor, his blood sprayed all over them as he clutched onto his chest.

“How did you know?” he asked after the coughing had subsided.

“You’ve been indirectly avoiding him, keeping a large distance away from him, you stare at him sometimes. The only reason I pieced it together is because you hide your emotions like I do, bury it deep down, so no one ever finds out.” he shrugged.

Tokiya nodded in understanding. “What do I do? Ren is a ladies man anyway.”

Masato smiled slightly “I can’t believe the first thing you’re actually worried about is that Ren doesn’t like guys. What happened to the idol not falling in love rule? Even with Otoya, that’s the last thing you brought up.”

Tokiya shrugged and then turned to face him. “You don’t find this weird? You’re not angry?”

Masato shook his head “Ren is hard to resist.”

“Hijirikawa.” Tokiya said quietly.

Masato sighed “I don’t find it weird that you like a guy. I am however slightly angry that you didn’t trust it enough with us, but I kind of understand that I guess. Thing is, there’s no point in confessing Ichinose. Ren doesn’t like guys and even if he did, he couldn’t be with one, much less a member of his own band, the presidentwould never allow it and if word ever got out, Starish would get disbanded. Your best option is surgery.”

“I know.” Tokiya whispered. “I don’t know when I fell in love with him. I don’t think I ever would have realized if it wasn’t for the petals.” Tokiya said rather bitterly.

“Not true.” Masato said, turning and facing him now. “You were falling in love with him slowly, maybe you weren’t fully aware of it but Toki, your smile became different around him.”

“Huh?” Tokiya looked confused.

“It was much more open, happy, like you finally accepted that you deserved to be with us, only Ren could bring that out in you. Plus, you used to stare at him quite a bit, even before you got the Hanahaki. I guess you were watching him be happy too.” Masato shrugged. “I noticed and never said anything because I was glad that you were enjoying yourself, you always work too hard.”

“Old habits.” Tokiya muttered, but his mind was elsewhere, thinking about all the things Masato had said. “Cecil..” he began as he realized something.

Masato nodded with a smile. “ _Hai_. Cecil noticed just after I had too. Looking back on it, unlike me, I think he actually knew that you loved him.”

Tokiya shook his head, his lips twitching “Cecil just knows, he still creeps me out sometimes.”

Masato hummed.

Tokiya cleared his throat “Thanks Masato.”

Masato waved him off “Stop with the formalities, we’re family, we’re always going to be there, no matter what Hayato-sama.” 

Tokiya’s breath hitched and his eyes widened.

Masato nodded “That’s what you think about a lot right? You’re scared that if you don’t sing well enough, then you’ll get kicked out of Starish, that’s why you overwork, that’s why you’re scared to stop working and relax with us. Because you feel like _Sachho_ might just show up one day and send you back home, telling you that you’re more fit for advertisements and television programs rather than singing.”

Tokiya nodded shamefully.

“Nothing to be ashamed about Tokiya.” Masato said softly “Like I said, no matter what, you’ve got us.”

Tokiya smiled “ _Arigato_.”

Masato smiled back “You do have to talk to Ren later though, it’s best if you explain personally about the after effects.”

Tokiya nodded.

“Right, I’ll tell everyone that you’re just resting up and you tell us tomorrow when you want to do the surgery and everything.” Masato said, getting up.

Tokiya nodded again, then muttered another thank you and let Masato leave the room.

Tokiya sighed, the surgery was inevitable. He had always known of course, still, for someone else to tell him so, it had made it even more real.

★★★★★★★

After a while, Tokiya had found himself back on his bed. He had changed the bed sheets and had done some thinking, not that any thinking mattered anymore. The sooner the date was set, the better. He would visit the doctor tomorrow and decide thereafter.

He pulled out some music sheets he had written days before and stared at the lyrics. Masato had been right, he’d long fallen for Ren, he just hadn’t been aware of it. _How could he have, when he had no idea how love felt like?_

Until now of course, until now.

He stared at the lyrics again, hoping that some miracle would happen by just staring at the words.

**_I was in the dark,_ **

**_and then I heard your melody, calling out to me._ **

**_I opened my eyes, the ocean waves drowning me,_ **

**_but I found the light in them and watched as everything bloomed to life._ **

**_Like Roses in a garden, like stars in the night sky, fiery orange,_ **

**_twinkling so bright, as bright as my love for you._ **

So naive, that’s what the lyrics were. He crumpled the paper and threw it across the room, when he suddenly heard a knock. There was no one he had to avoid anymore, after all everyone had found out, weirdly Tokiya felt relieved about not having to hide it anymore. Although there was the President, he'd get the surgery before Saotome found out. Hopefully.

He opened the door and he nearly closed it back on the person’s face. Of course it was Jinguji, it just had to be him.

“Can I come in?” Ren asked, his hair pulled up in a pony. He was wearing a red half sleeve shirt and jeans, they fit him snugly, outlining his abs and his slender figure. Tokiya’s throat went dry, _this was bad, very bad._

“Yes.” replied instead, letting Ren come in, knowing that if he refused then he would most certainly give away that he loved Ren.

He felt himself sweat, he was going to be alone with Ren in a room, with a bed. No. No. Nothing was going to happen because Ren didn’t like guys he reminded himself. _One - I love Ren. Two - Ren does not like guys. Three - If I don’t do the surgery, I’ll ruin everyone else’s lives._ He breathed a little easier after he had chanted that in his head.

Ren sat on the bed, sprawling on one side, then patting for Tokiya to sit on the other side.

Tokiya swallowed hard and then sat on the edge of the bed.

“Ichi, I’m not going to bite.” Ren smiled softly.

_If only_ Tokiya thought as he positioned himself closer to Ren.

“Masato said you were going to do the surgery?”

Tokiya nodded, but he was unable to meet Ren’s eyes. He felt the familiar rise of the petals up his throat.

“Are you sure? You didn’t seem to want it before.” Ren looked at him, his eyes filled with worry and concern. 

Tokiya closed his eyes, he wouldn’t be able to say a word if he kept looking at Ren’s face. “I’m sure. I realized a few things after I talked it out with Masato.” he answered, even to him, his voice sounded strange.

Ren put an arm around him “I could arrange a date or something within the agency campus here, whoever she is, she can just reciprocate your feelings and then the flowers would go away and then you both can part. That would work right?”

Tokiya had never seen Ren look so serious before, his arm on Tokiya’s shoulder was too much of a comfort, Ren’s ridiculous, expensive perfume scent was engulfing him and he just wanted to fall asleep surrounded by it. Unknowingly he leaned onto Ren’s shoulder. “I don’t think it works that way Jinguji-san.”

“Maybe there’s some other way.” Ren mumbled.

“It’s okay if I lose these feelings, he will never love me back, I know that.”

He felt Ren go still for a moment “ _He?_ ”

Tokiya covered his mouth and pushed away from Ren, his heart erratic in chest. _Shit shit what did I do? Stupid mouth. Shut up, shut up._

“Accident.” he muttered. “I meant she”

“Ichi.” Ren said softly “I don’t care if it’s a guy, that doesn’t change anything.”

He hugged Tokiya from behind.

_But it’s you. I love you,_ he wanted to scream out, agony filling his chest.

And then Tokiya began to cough, his vision going blurry, all he could hear was Ren yelling his name. He coughed and coughed and coughed. He felt the buds falling from his mouth, felt the petals slip too, and then the leaves, he felt the taste of blood in his mouth, flowing down his jaw as he helplessly tried to catch them in his hands and instead he felt a thorn prick his finger and then the world went black.

★★★★★★★

Tokiya’s eyes fluttered open and his vision cleared to give way to a pristine white ceiling with lights. He let out a groan as he slowly sat up. He felt someone support his back and shoulders, he looked up to see Shinomiya. “ _Thank you_ Natsuki.” he whispered, his voice shaky and almost inaudible. Natsuki gently smiled at him “Ssh Toki, It's alright.” Tokiya smiled back weakly at him.

As he sat up and leaned against the pillow, he realized that he had a breathing tube through his nose and mouth and touched it in confusion. “Ichinose-san” someone called out softly. He looked up to see Nanami on his immediate right. “You were having breathing problems and you coughed up a lot of petals when you were sleeping, so they put a tube to help you breathe easier.” she looked frightened.

“ _Gomen_ Nanami. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” he said, his voice scratchy.

Nanami shook her head “ _No, no_ , the others already explained it to me.” she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Tokiya nodded, unable to reply further. He saw everyone’s eyes downcast and unable to meet his. “What did the doctors say?”

Syo was the first one who looked up, his eyes filled with a mixture of pain and anger “Ichinose-san you began coughing up entire flowers when you were asleep.”

“Syo-chan!” Natsuki pulled at his shirt to shut him up.

Tokiya’s eyes widened, _Entire flowers? He was already at the next stage?_

“It was covered in blood, your blood, it was the reddest rose I’ve ever seen.” He heard Ren whisper quietly from the corner, a shiver passing through him as he pointedly stared at the floor, avoiding Tokiya’s gaze.

“The doctor scheduled the surgery for tomorrow Tokiya. They’d like to monitor your vitals today and need you to sign some forms.” Cecil spoke up quietly, smiling at him sadly.

Tokiya nodded, a pit forming in his stomach. _Today was the last day he had left to feel and love, tomorrow, everything would be different._

“Sorry.” Masato whispered, guilt in his eyes. “Since you were brought to the hospital, the presidentfound out and we had to tell him everything.”

“Everything?” Tokiya looked up, his heart beat growing louder.

“That’s right Ichinose. To think you could hide something like this from me?” the President said from the corner, he had barely noticed the President. Usually he was lively and had an over the top personality. Now he was serious, arms folded and stoic.

“ _Shachou_ …Sorry I - ”

“Don’t worry. You don’t have anything to apologize for. Everyone else explained it well enough, I just want you to remember that you are Tokiya and not Hayato. I care about the well being of my idols Mr.Ichinose. You can make it up to me with your singing.” saying so he left the room.

“Don’t mind.” Otoya called out “He was really worried about you, he was pacing back and forth, gave me a headache.” Otoya smiled up at him.

Tokiya nodded and then looked away.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. The doctors conducted a few tests on him and cleared him for the surgery the next day. He signed documents and watched as the rest of the boys in Starish bantered the entire day, laughing where he was required to, otherwise hardly listening to their conversation, lost in his own thoughts. However he noticed that Ren had been unusually quiet, had barely looked up at any of the others and remained rather isolated.

When night fell, the boys were asked to clear out of the room and only one visitor was allowed to stay back. The boys tried to protest, but in the end Tokiya convinced all of them to go back saying he would be fine, when Ren finally spoke up.

“No. I’m going to stay the night.”

They all looked up at Ren, startled by his resolve.

Masato looked at Tokiya, who had considerably paled after hearing Ren. “No.” he said firmly. “Tokiya wants to be alone, and that’s what we’re going to do."

“No.” Ren countered. “I’m staying and even if you drag me, I won’t come.” he stood, arms folded.

“Ren.” Cecil said quietly “Don’t make this difficult for all of us.” he glanced at Masato and nodded once, indicating that he would back up Masato.

The other boys however, didn’t seem to understand.

“Why? What’s wrong with Ren staying?” Syo demanded.

“Uh yeah...I don’t see the problem either.” Natsuki said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Masato sighed, giving Tokiya an apologetic look before giving in. Cecil shook his head once and then gave Tokiya a reassuring smile after which the rest of them left.

“Why?” Tokiya whispered.

“I was the only one in the room before we took you to the hospital, you have no idea just how much you scared me. I’m going to watch over you.” Ren shrugged, but refused to meet his eye.

Tokiya nodded and then looked away.

Sleep came to him, more easily than he had thought. Even though he was aware of Ren sitting next to him, watching him, when he fell asleep, he drifted into a world of his own.

_He was standing in a meadow, speckled with flowers of vibrant hues, so beautiful._

_“Ichi.” a laugh echoed around him. He turned around to see Ren, his breath hitched._

_Ren was wearing casuals - jeans and a shirt. But he looked incredibly good, his hair tied up in a pony, loose strands falling in front of his face, the shirt brought out his ocean eyes._

_“Ren?” Tokiya asked “Where are we?”_

_Ren laughed, his voice deep and husky, sending shivers down Tokiya’s spine. “Ichi, I told you in the morning, remember?” he held his hand out._

_Tokiya took it without hesitation. And then, the scenery changed, they were on some sort of terrace._

_“Ren?” he asked, immensely confused._

_When Ren turned around, Tokiya wanted to run. This wasn’t Ren, not the one he knew, there was a glint in his eye holding cruelty and his grip had become tight as iron, Tokiya struggled against him._

_“Did you really think I’d love you? Idiot, do you think I’d put my entire career on the line? Did you think I would let you ruin Starish? Just jump and die, be done with it. You bring us nothing but shame.” Ren hissed, his eyes turning darker with every passing second._

_Suddenly Ren turned into his old manager. “You’re a disappointment Hayato. You think you can sing? You bring shame to the idol profession. And what’s more, you couldn’t follow the one rule that governs the industry. Jump, just jump.”_

_“No. No please, I can fix this, please give me a second chance. No, Please!” he screamed as he was pushed off the roof._

Tokiya woke up, a hand on his throat. He looked up to see Ren’s face very close to his, eyes flashing with worry. “It was a bad dream. It’s okay, you’re alright.” he whispered, hugging Tokiya and stroking his hair. What surprised Tokiya was the rose lying on the empty chair next to his bed.

_It was a dream_ he repeats and lets Ren’s scent engulf him. He hugs Ren back, bunching Ren’s shirt in his fist and then breaks down, tears rolling down his eyes, sobs choking him and yet Ren didn’t pull away but held onto him tighter. After a while, when he had no tears left, he realizes that him and Ren are sitting in a weird position. Tokiya against Ren’s chest and both of them are lying together on the single cot.

He coughs slightly, moves away, but feels Ren’s arms holding him in place and then points at the chair. “Is that a rose from before?”

“No.” Ren replies “You coughed up a new one when you were asleep and I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, so I washed the blood out. I don’t know how you can cough up an entire flower and not realize, but whatever nightmare you were stuck in, must have been a pretty bad one. You were coughing up loads of petals and buds, way too many thorns Ichi.” Ren’s voice softened in the end as he laced his hands with Tokiya’s and Tokiya saw the floor littered with red and green.

“I’ll be fine.” Tokiya cleared his throat.

“What was the nightmare about?”

Tokiya shrugged.

“Ichi.” Ren said softly, rubbing his hand over Tokiya’s arm, sending goosebumps everywhere.

“Why do you call me Ichi? No one uses my last name except Nanami.” Tokiya whispered bitterly, he didn't know who he was angry at, who he was upset with anymore.

Ren shrugged “Everyone calls you Toki, I liked Ichi better, so I began using that and you didn’t seem to have a problem.” he paused and then carefully replied “But if you don’t want me to call you so, I’ll change it. Little Lamb will be the only who’s allowed to use your last name.”

“No.” Tokiya whispered back “Ichi’s fine.” It made his heart beat faster, sent butterflies in his stomach when he heard Ren say his name and he felt his hands get clammy and he pulled his hand out from Ren’s. _Little Lamb_ \- that was his nickname for Nanami. _Two - Ren doesn’t like guys_ he reminded himself, pressing his lips tightly.

Ren sighed “Can you be honest with me?”

“It depends.” Tokiya answered, unsure.

Ren twisted his body a little and then pulled out a paper from his pocket, he didn’t need Ren to read out what was written out on the paper. One look and he knew exactly what it was.

“Is this the same person you got the Hanahaki for?” Ren asked, turning Tokiya towards him.

Tokiya nodded, his eyes trained on his hands.

“Do you know why everyone who has a crush doesn’t get the Hanhaki Ichi?” Ren asked softly, his eyes focused solely on Tokiya.

Tokiya swallowed once and then shrugged, afraid that he might say something that would put him in jeopardy.

“It’s because the Hanahaki manifests only when the love is _so purely deep_ for another person and it isn’t just some mediocre crush. Ichi, you love that person so much that _you would die for them_. That is the literal manifestation of the Hanhaki, one of the reasons you’re living becomes the reason you’re dying. So don’t you think that the other person has a right to know?” Ren’s voice was laced with bitterness and sadness.

Tokiya looked up to see Ren’s eyes moist and was taken aback. “R - Ren, this isn’t some romantic story that will work out - ”

“And what if he loved you back?” Ren asked, raising his voice.

“You don’t know who he is.” Tokiya replied calmly, but he was clenching his fists.

“How stupid do you think I am?” Ren shook his head and read out the lyrics on the sheet. He looked at Tokiya earnestly “ I have blue eyes, you once told me they reminded you of the ocean. My favourite flowers are roses and hell if that isn’t a coincidence. Fiery orange? Like my Starish uniform Ichi? You should rework the lyrics.” he thrusted the paper into Tokiya’s hand.

Although Tokiya’s heart felt like it was going to burst and his chest was going to burn, he spoke up, his voice quiet “Not everything in the universe revolves around you. As well as all those references were believable - ”

“You were avoiding me at any cost this week, switching places when I sat next to you during meals and talking to me only if you had to. You fell unconscious when I was alone with you and the first time I saw you cough just as bad in the beginning was when I was playing the saxophone that day, after which you hurried back without a rational explanation. You accidentally told me it was a guy and then I found this lyric sheet. It would also explain why Masato and Cecil protested when I stayed.”

Tokiya said nothing, his cheeks turning crimson, his heart beating like a drum, he wrung his hands together and then looked away ashamed “ _I love you._ ” he admitted and he was ready, ready for Ren to say otherwise, ready for Ren to feel absolutely disgusted with him, he was ready to take the pain of rejection. Instead he heard a soft laugh.

He looked up at Ren and saw him smiling “I know, you idiot. Every rose, every petal it’s for me.”

Tokiya stared at Ren blankly, utterly confused.

Ren laughed, his eyes crinkling “Your face right now Ichi. Oh God, you never thought I was going to tell you that I love you too.”

“Huh?” he asked, not sure that he had Ren correctly.

Ren rolled his eyes, pulled Tokiya’s face closer to his, his gentle hands caressing Tokiya’s cheek and then he kissed him. Tokiya froze for an instant _Ren’s kissing me? Kissing me?_ And then he melted into Ren, his arms looping around Ren’s neck, _oh god he was such a good kisser._

When they pulled away, Tokiya looked up at Ren in complete astonishment “Are you drunk? Under some drug?”

Ren laughed “No, the truth is, I’ve loved you for the longest time now. But falling in love for an idol is forbidden and I knew just how hard you’d worked to get into Starish, it would be selfish of me to put you in a spot, plus I convinced myself that you liked Little Lamb.”

Tokiya clicked his tongue “I like Nanami? You’re the one who calls her Little Lamb, My Lady, you’re the one who flirts with every woman, every chance you get.” he huffed out.

“My, my, jealousy looks cute on you Ichi.”

“Shut up!” Tokiya said, looking away.

“Well.” Ren said soberly “I have to keep up appearances, don’t I? I can’t suddenly stop acting the way I do just because I’ve realized that I’m hopelessly in love with my bandmate, it’ll raise suspicion.”

Tokiya considered this and then muttered “True.”

“But when I found you had Hanahaki, I believed it was for Nanami. I never would have thought, never imagined that you would like me back. We’re both idiots I think.”

“Why?”

Ren pulled out a small cover from his pocket and handed it to Tokiya. Tokiya opened it and peered inside, it was filled with white rose petals.

Tokiya looked up confused. 

“They’re mine.” Ren confessed.

“Yours? Since when?” Tokiya asked, eyes wide.

“Yesterday, right after we got you to the hospital, I coughed up the first few in the restroom.” Ren smiled.

“Idiot.” Tokiya playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

Ren leaned in again and kissed Tokiya briefly before pulling away.

“Wha - What was that for?”

Ren shrugged and then grinned “I felt like kissing you again, you’re incredible Ichi.”

“Stop it.” Tokiya replied, looking away. “What do we do now?” Tokiya whispered.

“Are you going to do the surgery?” Ren murmured.

“Am I - Am I going to do the surgery? Which part of me kissing you or confessing my love for you was unclear?” Tokiya scowled.

Ren smiled sadly “That doesn’t change the fact that you and I are idols.”

Tokiya sighed and leaned into Ren, both of their bodies tangled together on the bed.

“ _Ren I love you_ , I don’t want the surgery. I mean if it’s not unrequited love anymore, then the Hanahaki will heal right? There is no need for surgery.”

“And how will you explain it to the president? What about everyone other than Masato and Cecil?”

“I don’t want to think about that yet.” Tokiya muttered, burying his face into Ren’s chest.

“We’ll figure it out in the morning maybe.” Ren whispered, kissing Tokiya’s forehead as Tokiya smiled tenderly up at him.

It was early in the morning, when they both finally went to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, their bodies tangled in the bedsheets and no more worries of red petals coated with blood.

* * *


End file.
